just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
