I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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