and next time when you feel me up, do it right
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
