So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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