Cold hands, warm shart.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize