Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
