I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
