i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
i out mim tonsoeep
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
