Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
