Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
