You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
