Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
time to smoke my breakfast
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
