I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
