Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
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