Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
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She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
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Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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