YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Found your dick twin last night
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
