you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
