Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
