umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
