I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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