You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Randomize
