Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
where are my eyebrows?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
