Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
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