I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
