She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
