and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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