Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
