my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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