Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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