hotel room ftw
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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