You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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