I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
