32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
