I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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