I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
