How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
