tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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