youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
