Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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