well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
