hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
