all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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