I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
