3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
ugly people sure do ruin things
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
