Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
