the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Bang-toberfest begins!!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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