Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
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Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
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I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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