HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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