i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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