i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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