Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
