It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
