I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
there is glitter all over my balls
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