I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
