i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
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judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
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I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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