hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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