I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Apparently you make a good broom.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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