Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
