So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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