Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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