My room smells like vodka and shame
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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