have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
